The devastating fire that swept through a Hong Kong residential estate this week has left many families facing unimaginable loss and uncertainty. As a clinical psychologist, I’ve worked with many families navigating trauma, and I want to share some thoughts that I hope will help those affected during this incredibly difficult time.
My heart goes out to everyone impacted by this tragedy. What you’re feeling right now whether it’s shock, fear, grief, or numbness is entirely normal. There’s no “right” way to respond to something like this.
How Children React to Trauma
Over the years, I’ve seen that children process trauma very differently depending on their age, personality, and the kind of support they’re receiving. Reactions can range from shock and confusion to crying and clinginess, nightmares, and trouble sleeping. Some children show regressive behaviours like bedwetting or baby talk, whilst others might display anger, withdrawal, or aggressive acting out.
All of these responses are normal. There’s no single way children react to trauma, and it’s important not to judge or dismiss what they’re feeling.
Talking to Young Children About What Happened
One question I’m often asked is: how do we explain something this frightening without causing more harm?
I always recommend using simple, honest, and age-appropriate language. Something like: “A fire happened and it hurt our home, but we are safe now and we’re together.”
Emphasise safety in the present moment. Talk about the people keeping everyone safe – the firefighters, the neighbours, the helpers. Avoid overwhelming them with scary details, but do answer their questions calmly when they ask.
The most important thing is to validate their feelings and help restore some sense of stability and control. I know that within chaos and crisis, feeling reassured and safe is really challenging. However it is important for children to hear, repeatedly, that they are safe now.
Creating Routine and Stability
Even when you’re living in temporary housing or staying with relatives, maintaining predictable routines is key for emotional safety. Keep the same bedtimes, meal times, and story times if you can. Whatever familiar rhythms you can preserve will help create a sense of familiarity and safety.
Surround children with familiar things when possible for example, their toys, blankets, the music they usually listen to. Create a safe space where they can relax with you or another trusted adult. Let them make small choices throughout the day. This helps them feel some control over their lives, even in a different place.
Routine, structure, and predictability are most important and help in creating a sense of emotional safety after such a tragic traumatic community event.
Protecting Children from Media Exposure
I’ve spoken about this many times over the years, and I cannot emphasise it enough: media exposure must be limited. Children need to be protected from distressing images because once you’ve seen them, you cannot unsee them. This especially applies to children under 12 they must not be exposed to the images and social media.
If they’ve already come across news coverage, watch it together if they’re older than 12, and explain what they’ve seen in simple terms. Remind them they’re safe. Talk about the firefighters and all the people that are working to help, and reassure them that things are more stable now.
It’s important for children to be able to talk about their worries. They need to know it’s okay to feel scared, but also that adults are there to keep them safe.
However, as adults, we also don’t need to be constantly exposed to these images. Remember once you see them, you can’t unsee them. Please monitor this carefully, both for yourself and for your children.
For Teachers/ Educators Supporting Traumatised Students
For teachers working with children affected by the fire, I’d encourage you to normalise their feelings. Tell them: “It’s okay to feel scared and sad. You’re safe here and we are here to help you.”
Offer outlets like drawing, journalling, or talking in private. Provide quiet time for students who are overwhelmed. And please, put academic expectations aside for the next few weeks. These children have lost their homes, and in some cases, family members.
It’s really important to separate academics from emotional wellbeing right now. These children need focused support for their emotional health before anything else.
Understanding Survivor’s Guilt
This is a particularly hard one, and I want to acknowledge that upfront. If you’re feeling guilty because you were spared, please know that this is completely normal after such a tragedy.
It’s okay to feel relief and sadness at the same time. It’s natural. You didn’t choose this.
What matters now is what you’ll do with these feelings. Some people find it helpful to help others in small ways like volunteering, donating, or simply listening. Turning some of that guilt into meaningful action can be part of the healing process.
But I won’t pretend this is easy. It takes time, and it’s tough.
Helping Children Sleep Again
Nightmares are common after trauma. What helps is creating calming bedtime routines, maintaining consistency, and ensuring children feel safe and surrounded by familiar things. Avoid discussing scary topics or watching distressing media before bed.
If it helps your child to sleep near you for now, that’s perfectly fine. This isn’t the time to worry about “bad habits” – it’s about helping them feel safe.
Talk about nightmares during the day rather than dismissing them. Let your child draw them out if that helps. Most importantly, make sure they know there’s an adult they can talk to and reach out to whenever they need.
Daily Practices to Lower Anxiety
Here are some simple things you can do every day to help your children (and yourself):
Listen and be fully present. Name the emotions they’re feeling and validate them. Give them space and time to process. Model calm behaviour yourself – I know this is hard, but children take their cues from us.
Use calming strategies together. Deep breathing is incredibly helpful when your nervous system is on high alert. For younger children, try breathing in deeply through the nose and breathing out like you’re blowing bubbles.
For older children, you can try the 4-1-6-1 technique: breathe in for four counts, hold for one, breathe out for six, hold for one. These breathing techniques really do help calm a system that’s expecting something bad to happen.
And please, use these techniques for yourself as well as for your children.
Adults Need Support Too
I know this is a boring analogy, but it’s really relevant here: you need to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others. This applies very much to the current situation.
Even though it’s going to be difficult, adults need to prioritise some self-care so that you can be present for your community, your children, and everyone else who depends on you.
Talking to a therapist or counsellor usually helps. There are services that have been set up – counselling and psychology teams at universities, the Samaritans, and many other organisations are providing support. Please reach out to them.
Shared stories within your community can help heal. Use the mental health hotlines and local resources that have been put in place. Practise self-care: sleep, movement, exercise, staying connected. And put down your phone – avoid doom scrolling, especially if you’re an adult or a teen.
Remember, it’s not a weakness to ask for help. It’s a strength. And children usually do better when their caregivers are supported, so taking care of yourself is also taking care of them.
You’re Not Alone
What’s happened is devastating, and recovery will take time. Be patient with yourself and with your children. Healing isn’t linear, and there will be difficult days ahead.
But you don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out for support when you need it. Lean on your community. And remember that whilst this trauma is real, so is your resilience and the support around you.
If you need help, please don’t hesitate to contact local mental health services or reach out to MindNLife directly.
Dr Quratulain Zaidi is a Registered Clinical Psychologist practising in the UK and Hong Kong, specialising in trauma and family mental health.
